Visalam maami !!!

This is a looooooong post :):) think twice before marching southward !!!

It is excellent to be born a yin, having all the parts functional, perfection personified.

It very good to be bred in a Tamil Brahmin family whose members are 180 degrees antiphase with words like orthodox, antiquated doctrines and principles.

It is good to have parents I have wondered many a times as to how two absolutely contrasting personalities gel so well in harmony who have never inculcated the thoughts of arranged marriage sigh they should be knowing from my birth that bridal procedures for me will be a pain!! nor stressed me that I should marry a guy only from my caste sure they will be more than happy so long as its a guy :), that is what they keep telling me, and err.. I have lived upto their expectations :). They have always nurtured the thoughts of preaching the religion of LOVE amma and appa, I love you.




It is not so good live in a society breeding laser beamed outlooks.

It is bad to have a 55+ yr old lady living close by, who has completed her duty of marrying off her children, who has retired from a job and has an over belching bank balance, and is now absolutely free , having 24 hours rusting at her disposal.


It is worse if it is Visalam maami .


It is worser when my amma likes visalam maami whom I detest the most and always behaves politely to her yeah, my genes dont match hers when it comes to visalam maami


Scene 1 : morning 8 I will be a citizen of dreamland then when maami launches her first visit, wearing a pseudo friendly grin

Maami : Endi Meena, konjam kaapi podi kududimma. Avar daily naalu kaapi kudikiraar. seekrame theendhu poidardhu lend me some coffee powder, my husband takes four coffees a day, so running low on it .

Amma: sure maami, please sit down.
I dont have anything against this. After all, just coffee powder na. Then she looks into my room. I pretend to be continuing sleeping, trying to make my sleep postures look more elegant and not like a hippo wallowing in marsh water. She starts the purpose of her visit. Starts her rattle.

Maami: Meena, tcha tcha tcha. Why does Preeti sleep so late? Sun is up and not good for girls to sleep with sun maami, I fantasize sleeping with better... ahem.. forget it :).

Amma: tries to cover up and flops miserably She gets up soon everyday maami. Just that she is tired just today.


Maami: What ever, you should be more strict with her. Else she ll grow up a spoiled brat and stain the family name and we wont be able to show our faces to anyone and end up in blasphemous words from others . dah.. all this shit for JUST sleeping (not having oral sex!!!) in MY home, MY room, MY bed

Amma: seri maami. Maama will be waiting for his coffee. You better hurry up mom I love you for this :)


Scene 2 : twelve noon lunch time visalam maami home for lunch as her husband on some guest lecture, and my amma called her over obviously without my consent so that maami need not trouble cooking for a single person

Maami: sambhar is a bit too sour, rasam is salty, potatoes are fine, though should be half a cm cut finer, yogurt is a little more thicker than the ideal lactometer reading
Want to know the living example of partiality personification, meet my mother.Had I said even half of all this, I would have had the time of my life...would have been so starved that even the kids in deserts of Africa would have won an arm fight with me... sigh..wish I were visalam maami for once...

Amma: sorry maami, will be careful henceforth. AMMA... enough is enough.
I crack a papad with both hands and put the piece in my left hand into my mouth visalam maami gives me a filthy look, as though I relishing a bite on a live cockroach.

Maami : endi Preeti, you dont get up early, you dont help amma in her chores little does she know that amma loves it when I dont help, and feels more than happy when I am never in the vicinity of kitchen and above all you use two hands while eating. What sort of a Tam Brahm you are? yeah, I roam about with a caste tag around

Me: as usual pretending to be deaf and dumb am sure if doordarshan ppl see this, the news job is mine.

Maami: starts her rant about how today's youth are spoilt and rotten like five day old bananas.

Me: turn on the tv and watch zara zara touch me touch me touch me... man... Bips and Kat together... what more can life give you?

Maami: continues her R A N T about half dressed bolly hottie girls, but watches the tv nevertheless.

Amma: watches on helplessly, hoping for the luncheon to get over soon

If you think all this made her have a leash on her appetite, BINGO, you are wrong :) she carries home a fat silver foil wrapped with delicious food for the night for the couple :):)

Scene 3:evening 5 pm

Maami: wow Meena you got wonderful jasmine flowers in your garden. Let me take them home, string them up and give you and your beautiful daughter.

Amma: Preeti does not like plucking flowers maami, she says they look good on plants and not fair to reduce their life span by a day. Anyways, you can take them for yourself if you like. Gotcha!! that is my cooked up reason, actually I dont like the smell of jasmine, and the look of it sticking out of my head, like little white headlights on a black backdrop

Maami: gives amma tips on how to raise children wonderfully and flower-likingly like her

Then appa comes home and am on cloud nine. This means maami wont come till he leaves for office next morning :)