Thursday, October 30, 2008

Visalam maami !!!

This is a looooooong post :):) think twice before marching southward !!!

It is excellent to be born a yin, having all the parts functional, perfection personified.

It very good to be bred in a Tamil Brahmin family whose members are 180 degrees antiphase with words like orthodox, antiquated doctrines and principles.

It is good to have parents I have wondered many a times as to how two absolutely contrasting personalities gel so well in harmony who have never inculcated the thoughts of arranged marriage sigh they should be knowing from my birth that bridal procedures for me will be a pain!! nor stressed me that I should marry a guy only from my caste sure they will be more than happy so long as its a guy :), that is what they keep telling me, and err.. I have lived upto their expectations :). They have always nurtured the thoughts of preaching the religion of LOVE amma and appa, I love you.

It is not so good live in a society breeding laser beamed outlooks.

It is bad to have a 55+ yr old lady living close by, who has completed her duty of marrying off her children, who has retired from a job and has an over belching bank balance, and is now absolutely free , having 24 hours rusting at her disposal.

It is worse if it is Visalam maami .

It is worser when my amma likes visalam maami whom I detest the most and always behaves politely to her yeah, my genes dont match hers when it comes to visalam maami

Scene 1 : morning 8 I will be a citizen of dreamland then when maami launches her first visit, wearing a pseudo friendly grin

Maami : Endi Meena, konjam kaapi podi kududimma. Avar daily naalu kaapi kudikiraar. seekrame theendhu poidardhu lend me some coffee powder, my husband takes four coffees a day, so running low on it .

Amma: sure maami, please sit down.
I dont have anything against this. After all, just coffee powder na. Then she looks into my room. I pretend to be continuing sleeping, trying to make my sleep postures look more elegant and not like a hippo wallowing in marsh water. She starts the purpose of her visit. Starts her rattle.

Maami: Meena, tcha tcha tcha. Why does Preeti sleep so late? Sun is up and not good for girls to sleep with sun maami, I fantasize sleeping with better... ahem.. forget it :).

Amma: tries to cover up and flops miserably She gets up soon everyday maami. Just that she is tired just today.

Maami: What ever, you should be more strict with her. Else she ll grow up a spoiled brat and stain the family name and we wont be able to show our faces to anyone and end up in blasphemous words from others . dah.. all this shit for JUST sleeping (not having oral sex!!!) in MY home, MY room, MY bed

Amma: seri maami. Maama will be waiting for his coffee. You better hurry up mom I love you for this :)

Scene 2 : twelve noon lunch time visalam maami home for lunch as her husband on some guest lecture, and my amma called her over obviously without my consent so that maami need not trouble cooking for a single person

Maami: sambhar is a bit too sour, rasam is salty, potatoes are fine, though should be half a cm cut finer, yogurt is a little more thicker than the ideal lactometer reading
Want to know the living example of partiality personification, meet my mother.Had I said even half of all this, I would have had the time of my life...would have been so starved that even the kids in deserts of Africa would have won an arm fight with me... sigh..wish I were visalam maami for once...

Amma: sorry maami, will be careful henceforth. AMMA... enough is enough.
I crack a papad with both hands and put the piece in my left hand into my mouth visalam maami gives me a filthy look, as though I relishing a bite on a live cockroach.

Maami : endi Preeti, you dont get up early, you dont help amma in her chores little does she know that amma loves it when I dont help, and feels more than happy when I am never in the vicinity of kitchen and above all you use two hands while eating. What sort of a Tam Brahm you are? yeah, I roam about with a caste tag around

Me: as usual pretending to be deaf and dumb am sure if doordarshan ppl see this, the news job is mine.

Maami: starts her rant about how today's youth are spoilt and rotten like five day old bananas.

Me: turn on the tv and watch zara zara touch me touch me touch me... man... Bips and Kat together... what more can life give you?

Maami: continues her R A N T about half dressed bolly hottie girls, but watches the tv nevertheless.

Amma: watches on helplessly, hoping for the luncheon to get over soon

If you think all this made her have a leash on her appetite, BINGO, you are wrong :) she carries home a fat silver foil wrapped with delicious food for the night for the couple :):)

Scene 3:evening 5 pm

Maami: wow Meena you got wonderful jasmine flowers in your garden. Let me take them home, string them up and give you and your beautiful daughter.

Amma: Preeti does not like plucking flowers maami, she says they look good on plants and not fair to reduce their life span by a day. Anyways, you can take them for yourself if you like. Gotcha!! that is my cooked up reason, actually I dont like the smell of jasmine, and the look of it sticking out of my head, like little white headlights on a black backdrop

Maami: gives amma tips on how to raise children wonderfully and flower-likingly like her

Then appa comes home and am on cloud nine. This means maami wont come till he leaves for office next morning :)


Black Panther said...

Cool :D Its Sarasu maami in my case :D Though she didnt turn up after I came to my vayasu :D :D :D

Ramanathan Palaniappan said...

some maami trouble there...why dont u just try to be blunt with her..then u wouldnt have to bear with her everyday

Karthik said...

U knw tamil?? :o

Karthik said...

I wonder hw 2 gt time 2 draw the pics fr ur blog, type them... Being a EEE student, i guess drawing s no means hard job to u!!! Gd wrk Preeti.. I'm jealous of ur talents.. Lol...

Keshi said...

LOL Preetz!

Now wud u believe it if I tell ya that I hv so many Visalam maamis in my life!

Sometimes I wonder if I belong to my family cos they talk/think/act totally different haha!


Hemanth Potluri said...

u got a maami trouble hehehe...gr8 post ....u have done here preet :)..lovely :)...heheh..briefing soo awesome ..:)..


preeti said...

@black panther
err.. why do you want a MAAMI after you come of age??? I smell a rat ...sniff sniff :)

sigh!! amma likes her :(

sure I know tamil :) thanks buddy !!:)

yay yay ma'am I believe you !!
family...ahh.. all the best :)

glad you liked it buddy !!:) cheers:)

Keshi said...

btw I changed my current music..tell me if u know this song Preetz..its Tamil btw :) I dance like crazy to this one lol!

OMG dun tell me abt Family they scare the shit outta me!!!


preeti said...

hehe keshi Tamil is my mother tongue !!:) I know the song of course :) the movie is bull shit, but songs were an instant hit. Let me tell you the crude meaning of the song directly, instead of quoting the tongue twisting lyrics and then the meaning :):)

The earth is lightened...
when you open your eyes :)
the flowers get dewdrops..
when you wash your face :)
the sea waves get white froth...
when you brush your teeth :)
the early morning showers came...
when you washed me :):):)
lingi lake lingi lakee lingi lakii lingi leee...:):)

enjoy !!:)
PS: put up chand sifaarish later dudette :) its my fav number :)
PSS: I love it when you call me Preetz :):) sawan started it :)

Keshi said...

**yeah, my genes dont match hers when it comes to visalam maami

hahahaha good one!


Keshi said...

ty for that translation! I love the song for the meaning too...I know Tamil :)



Keshi said...

Chand Sifarish will come later I promise ok!


preeti said...

hmph :) anyways, translation might help others like appreciate the song !!:)
thanks keshi . HUGS

S said...

@ Visalam Maami...

Maami neenga blog padippelonno...?
Unga aathu pakkthu aathu ponnu Preethi irukkale .. Ungala pathi jora, osathiya oru kadhai ezhudirukka...

Kumudathla podalam maami.. Avlo nanna irukku...

Enna, English la ezhudirukka..

Naan venuna padichu sollatama...?


P.S: What do i get in return if you don't want Visalam Maami to get the slightest hang of this post.. ;) lolz...

MultiMenon said...

oh...lovely post preeti..I kno of many more such maami's arnd my place too..thnkfully amma and I are pretty much straight wen it cums to dealin with des maami's and so,noone sticks der nose arnd.. :p

mayz said...

all i can say is

run preeti run!!!!

preeti said...

hey I want her to read this :) atleast get to know what I think of her :):)

lucky you !!:) enjoy a maami-less life ;)

hehehe :) thanks buddy !!:)

Chriz said...

visalam maami rocks... u eat with both hands.. hehe.. try putting your leg in too.. would be fun...

Vin said...

hehheheh...quite a hilarious account for such a pain maami...nice moral ur spreading there girl : Take Light!!

Priya Joyce said...

lol on this piece from u dear..
supaa posr

pree rokkkkksss!!

preeti said...

you think so? talkin outta experience or what?? !!:)
thanks dude :)

thanks dear !!:)

awww..that was chooo chhweet :)

I'll try 2 be truthful said...

My mom has actually banned me from entering the kitchen when she's there because of the small mishaps that tend to occur around me .
*nice to sleep with the sun rather than john abraham :D * hhee best o luck with her

Twisted Elegance....stupid brilliance said...

hahahahahahaha LOL LOL LOL LOL being part of an orthodox vadagali Iyyengar family I can easily relate to what you are talking about!! LOL
That was one hilarious post!! COOL

But mami solrardu romba seri. Intha kalatula ponnunga adanga pidariya poitanga!! :D :D :D

sawan said...

ever thought of script writing for a movie?

Tara said...

He he....Preeti! Really funny! Me a Tam Brahm too! Amma appa are cool too, we all dig into a pizza and a dosa with the same ease.

But at social functions, it's hell with maamis staring at you from top to bottom, like you are some museum piece! Enna idhu Tara, nee pottu vechukale? Poo vechukale? Damn. And especially, while eating they keep staring at the way you eat, how much you eat....gets to your nerves.

I can go on and on about my dislike for maamis, but thankfully here, I have no maamis in my neighbourhood! Can imagine what your life would be like!!! :)

You from Trichy, that's my native place! :)

preeti said...

WHAT?? I LOOOVEEEEEEEE Johnnie guy :) such a cute face and cute dimples. Keshi got tough competition from here :)
Thanks for visiting !!:)

yaar, is it that bakwaas?? :)
kidding man !! will think over it as a second profession once I settle down a bit :):)and if you promise to see my scripted films :)

@twisted elegance
But mami solrardu romba seri. Intha kalatula ponnunga adanga pidariya poitanga!! :D :D :D
HPMH :/ am proud to be one :) *haughty airs*
thanks for reading this looong post!!:)

cool yaar, will tell you next time I am at trichy, we ll meet up for sure :)
and licuky you . I envy you. Saved from maami-menace!!:)

sreeramshenoy said...

Maaamizzzz are a pain in all The-I-cannot-mention-here parts of body!! No bigger Aaasaami (its like a chatter box cum miser cum tel-mein-namak-daalne types) compared to the jobless maamis!! Good post Preeti!! :)
Btw, why does she disappear when your dad is around? Like jasmine, she should like dads too na?? How can a Tam Brahm be like her?? :P

Elithraniel Arawion said...

visalam maami sounds like alot o ppl i know... cheers to being a tambram i know how it feels :P

preeti said...

yaar, lajja re :) shynees :) remember maamis are typical Indian girls :) cheers dosth :)

@elithraniel arawion
thanks for visiting :) and would love to know what your name means !!:) its different and nice and tough to type(sorry on the last one mate :))

vanilla sky said...

ooh! such people exist in my proximity too! maybe we can send them to moon in the next instalment!

preeti said...

you say so?? sure thing !!:) bye bye maami !!:)

Kartz said...

:D Rofl!

Suresh Kumar said...

LOL. Some entertainment in your life.

Lucky you to have such funny characters surrounding you. I think you better record all her 'good advices' and write a book on them. Would be a good one to read

On the advice to rise early. Early to rise and early to bed makes a person healthy but socially unfit

On the advice of entering the kitchen. Too many cooks spoil the broth. In your case, One is enough

preeti said...

thanks !!:)

@suresh kumar
you think there ll be ppl to read my book?? high hopes there :):)
thanks buddy !!:)

visalam said...

hey...i was actually googling my name ..and i came across this blog of yours...and know what being a tam brahm i completely relate to this piece of yours..though i am the harried and pestered visalam here :p