Saturday, October 4, 2008

Wish I had a Time-Turner

Saturday Morning. Unusually sultry. Adrenaline rush to explore the world outside the cozy abode of graduated sizes of twigs and straw, designed impeccably to fit together. Perhaps, after glancing a furtive look into my room through the crevasse in the wall, she entered. She was mottled in beautiful patches of rich black, flaring brown and dull grey. She radiated beauty. Was completely enthralled and looked on. Her fluttering of tiny wings, her soft voice perhaps calling out to some of her siblings still snuggled up, her amazement at my weird looking 'nest', her concentric circles around my room, quick darting eyes reflecting the morning rays held me transfixed.

Before I realised, she knocked the wind out of me. She hoped frantically for the fact to change, for her mother's warm bosom to lie on, for her siblings' fight with her for grains, finally for the agony to stop. She lay there, bloody, still beautiful and tranquil, yet motionless. All I could do was helplessly watch on, hoping she would rest in peace soon. Put her to rest in our garden, under the rose shrubs and whispered a silent prayer.

'IF ONLY', powerful words that express sheer hopelessness, despair and yearning.

If only she had not adventured out of her nest...
If only she had not come too close...
If only I had been in some other room...
If only there was a power failure...
If only had I noticed the fan switched on...
If only I could turn back time...
If only...



Here I stand, inundated completely in guilt and everlasting sorrow, for having orphaned a happy family by unintentionally killing a harmless sparrow, belonging to an already endangered species.

24 comments:

Black Panther said...

Uh oh. Thats bad.

But destiny is a complex roadway network - human beings will always fail in an attempt to map it. Let me modify your if-only to what-if. What if the sparrow did survive your fan? What if it were to go get hit by some other means? What if it suffered more pain than it did now?

All's for good. Cheer up :)

Unknown said...

hey relax..its not as if u intentionally killed it..guess its time was up...

cheer up and hope for better things in life..:)

Richa said...

oh dear..
I can understand ur state of mind so well only wen i too lost 2 of my fish last morning itself....
but they say each creature is born with a definite no of breaths..
Cheer up is all i can say otherwise we ll have to start an entire new blog for mourning..

Preeti said...

@black panther
thanks:) feeling better..

@ram
yeah. true.. but takes time for the guilt factor to wean away

@richa
sorry for you too :( yeah. you are right. if we start feeling down, we can be so forever..will come up with something very cheerful in my next post :) cheers :)

Anonymous said...

it really pains me too, to see such thingssaw a few road-kills...i know how it feels in these instances

cheer up :)

Preeti said...

@vanilla
hey yaar, thanks :) I may sound a bit like a first-grader but I dont care. "oh GOD, can you kill death from everyone's lives ???"

Kartz said...

And someone said her readership was bad? :P"

Poignant. Period.

Peace.

Preeti said...

@kartz
I got a big floating head now :) Not my fault. You are responsible :) cheers :)

leena singh said...

hey dear.. i know how it hurts when u hurt someone.. but jus take life as it comes..don let all this worry u ..

Vignesh C said...

"Only if" our companies had called us earlier, these "If-Only's" could have been avoided. :)

Anyways feeling sorry for the poor sparrow..

Preeti said...

@leena
ahem.. who was the one wailing over phone yesterday for a totally stranger guy giving her a not-so-friendly look? anyways, advice taken :P

@vignesh
true Vig.. Shall I blog about our ABS-KALA thingy next? :P will make a nice 'interesting' read to all :)

Anonymous said...

man thats cool. thanks for coming to my page.. vocab genius u r

shanmu said...

it must b really sad to experience such things in life... but ya, death is somethin no one can resist... so cheer up babe!!

Vignesh C said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vignesh C said...

No.. Don deal bout that thing.. Your blog deserves a substance of greater value :)

Preeti said...

@chriz
thanks.. nothin like vocab genius and all.. 26 aplhabets.. here and there gambling perfectly.. and there you are... turned into a genius :)

@shanmu
yeah re..ok now :)

@vig
okie:) thanks for having such high regards for my random rigmaroles :)

Kolor said...

There was this sparrow couple that used to keep entering my room. I think they were looking for a place to build there nest. Somehow they were convinced that my defunct bookshelf would do rather well....

anyway, it happened.

and since that day, the other one would come and chirp around looking for it's partner. It really wrenched my heart out ... :(

Si_Lee said...

If only ...
I don't have much to say ... as a piece of literature it was nice .. vivid description ..
as a thought in your mind .. well i guess as we say that is how life is .. we are always left with those two words .. If only very often

Preeti said...

@kolor
Yeah i know how it feels . thanks for visiting :)

@descrying the shadows
thanks for liking literature and visiting too :)

putta said...

Thats really bad.. But thats past.. You cant reverse the time.. Forget that and be happy.. Nothin can be done now..All that happens is for good..

putta said...

i referred dictionary.com a lot of times to understand your post..

Preeti said...

@saravanan
hehe :) thanks:) cant help my convoluted English :)

Ritu said...

hmm.. now you'd better know... that i want a time tuner after reading this one!

Wow... and thanks for taking out itme to read my blog Priya!
obliged... *smiles*

Preeti said...

@princess
its my pleasure :) thanks for visiting :)