mixture of emotions...

1. I am forcing myself to blog because I Feel the wind knocked out of me. My friend's father breathed his last. I am so cut off from people and civil life that I forgot to give her my new mobile number and didn check her mail to me also. Got to know the news after a week. Bathed in guilt as I could not be with her when she needed me. Padma, Please forgive me. Uncle means a lot to us. Sincerely praying for his soul to rest in peace.

2. Is it really possible to get so close to people that getting apart from them literally bleeds your heart? Knowing fully well we are not destined to be together forever since the only similarity being different paths? Sometimes, companionship does hurt a lot and solitude mocks at your face saying she won finally and that you ultimately run towards her. All that is left with you are a few wet tissues, sleepless nights and eternal memories.

3. On the sunny side up, I saved a fish the other day. I was hanging clothes outside and thanks to the continual showers that our cricket ground now became the abode of myriad aquatics. I saw a fish struggle for life inside our compound floor and despite her thorns and her slippery self, put her back home. Rightly said, big things come in small packages.

4. Mr Fate brings you so much happiness that you dread the next moment. I was hunting for a book like crazy sometime back and casually told my two friends am yet to find it. One of them got it through e-bay and the other got it couriered from some corner in Mumbai. Though its a book, the emotions linked are priceless and I am left with so much goodness to know people care so much.

5. Missing my sister very very much. She is in a boarding school and allowed only one phone call a week which she uses to speak to amma. When some week she calls me instead of amma, I am stuck up with my boss or with customers. What life is this when you cant devote meagre time who mean the world to you? I sometimes sit and ask myself if I am doing justice to the people around me... Yet to find an answer.

6. Sometimes, I lie to my heart. I choose to be happy, I choose to close my eyes to the paranoid things around, I choose to sleep when I am supposed to act, I choose to stay passive when am expected to guide, I choose to say 'time will heal' when I know 'now' is also time.

7. There rages a war between professional and emotional decisions. Again, I leave the call to time without much brooding.

8. Keshi, sorry for missing your Birthday. Hope you understand. XOXO. Wishing you the best of best ever in life. Smiles and cheers always :)

SHE

SHE was the most wanted..

SHE was unexpected..

SHE had the brilliant combination of power force and energy..

SHE was beauty..

SHE was a feast to the parched sockets..

SHE was transient..

SHE was the Dust Storm...

I am happy to live now after just tasting deep sleep, it hit our office, removed our roof, but still, we live.. LIFE, I LIVE YOU :):)

travel travails

SO now in Bhilai, back to my non-cozy cocoon :(:( no, this aint another Bhilai this- Bhilai that rant of mine .. 

Though the true spice of India lies in travelling by second sleeper, thinking of the following reasons thwarts the thought:

1. 1500 kms in second sleeper means irritation due to wailing babies around, frustration due to a young couple doing ahem... wat eva :), helplessness when an old uncle speaks non stop on familiar topics like shares, politics and embarrassment when he asks me my favorite topic and I reply Food :(:( 

2. Company pays for 2nd AC , so why hurt our finance dept by turning down their offer ???

3. Exponential increase of temperature from Bangalore to Bhilai :)

4. Plug point ( though half the time not working ones) to charge mobile so that my boyfriend does not miss me :P

We had to take two trains, from Bangy-Nagpur and Nagpur to Durg.. Bangy to Nagpur was heaven travel.. These railway people did not have place in their stupid train from Nagpur-Durg for two hot and sexy girls :( So we had to take an open ticket and catch hold of TT to get some place to rest our tired ass which had travelled for one day already. The conversation bet my friend Nan and the TT :

Nan: Sir, we had booked our tickets thru internet.. It came to WL 4 and 5 and got cancelled.. We now have purchased a general ticket. can you arrange for some place in sleeper atleast.. even one seat would do (she s a poor disillusioned girl, thinkin both of us are size zero, but didn dare tell her anythin then, lest I should be roasted alive )

TT:yeh jo baajoo mein khade hain unka waiting 33 hai. maine unko mana kar diya. (roughly meaning the man here has waiting 33.. i refused him a seat, the inter-circuital meaning being, he needs money from us, more than what that man could offer)

Nan: teek hai sir, daal dijiye (and groped in her wallet for notes).

TT: 500+172 (172 being actual ticket fare..

She pays the price and we load ourselves and our luggage in the crystal latticed space available. Only to realise it was the TT s seat and his suitcase occupying half the seat allotted to us (side lower) and the guy opposite us giving us errr ahem  bad looks (yeah.. I know his hormones are perfectly functional, so no issues there :)) 

The fried rice aroma packed tempts us to eat, but the you-know-wat smell tempts us to never touch food for next ten days.. Finally we reach home at twelve, stinking, sweating, thirsty, hungry to find out there s a power failure and water supply gone too :( This is how Preeti is treated when she herself feels like taking a look at water, never given a chance to being non hydrophobic :(:(

Rest in next guys and girls :):) Cheers till then :):)

SHEELA..

I remember getting down at school with her in the cycle rickshaw just before prayer bell...

I remember her smile from the heart, which has the magnetic attraction to brighten up anyone's grumpy mood...

I remember teaching her Physics light and sound problems just before the exams...

I remember her giving her time and space for me always...

I remember her kiddo bro, who used to come rushing at her at the four thirty bell, perhaps the only soul who loved her..

I remember her puking blood one day...

I remember her last brave smile...

God has perhaps made a sensible choice to give her permanent peace away from the turbulent domestic life she lived...

Yet, thinking of her, a silent tear drops down my cheeks, thinking of the positivity she radiated despite her problems, the attitude she lived with, seeking no solace in the cowardly covers of sympathy. Sometimes life becomes so so hard on you and reality slaps across your face left-right-left, not giving you time to accept things the way they are. Not able to face the truth, hiding in the cozy cacoon of non-veracity, hoping for some improbable miracle. Hoping you were in some other place. Hoping you never knew the person so close, and hoping the emotional shackles will break away soon, not affecting you with unfathomable grief. Feel like writing no more.Sheela, will ever be yours. Still, I wish I had a time-turner.

Sacred Space- The Garden

For the Garden of your daily living

Plant three rows of peas:
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul

Plant four rows of squash:

1. Squash gossip

2. Squash indifference

3. Squash grumbling

4. Squash selfishness

Plant four rows of lettuce (let us):

1. Lettuce be faithful

2.Lettuce be kind

3. Lettuce spread love

No garden is without turnips (turn-ups):

1.Turnip for meetings

2.Turnip to protest injustice

3.Turnip to help others

And in our garden we must have enough Thyme (time):

1. Thyme for each other

2.Thyme for family and friends

3.Thyme for oneself

Water freely with forbearance and see the fruits of your garden, what you reap is what you sow.

PS: No doubt, you are eading this in Preeti's blog.. something hatke.. but hope you appreciatemy meek yet sincere attempt. Cheers :)

DID YOU KNOW???

I have been given this cute blogger award by Hemz *clap clap clap* .. I gotta write ten 'cute' stuff about me sigh.. it is tough, so will write ten thoughts on my mind right now instead, hugs if you find anything cute:), chale chalo, read on..

1.PREETI HATES CRICKET ADULTERANTS.

Yes, no doubt IPL glamour dolls have the best of b&*bs, best shakes of arses, best hip jerks, who obediently oblige to the horizontal and vertical hand jobs of the umpire err.. was talking about 4s and 6s..please have some thought purity:P but why come into my godly game and pollute it?? Agreed, they cheer, they attract leers, but dont they also distract the poor players? They are the culprits for my team Rajasthan Royals to lose three matches in a row.. I saw my Warne sneaking looks at the hotties. I saw Yusuf Pathan getting out ogling at their..hmm.. wateva.. I saw Kamran Khan giving too many loose deliveries losing control over himself..But I dont blame them. I am happy they have perfectly funtional genitals :P .Now picture this: what you would rather do between studying for a hopeless maths exam the only hope being to plead nerd Gita to sit in front of you and watching Bips dance to luckkky boy... you are my luucckky boy.. fantasising you to be her lucky boy of course if you are straight!!:)...And Mandira, I HATE YOU.Learn first that there are 11 players to a team and the same team cant do both batting and fielding at once Mandira. hmph..*hot air outta ears*

2.PREETI LURRVES COURAGEOUS SOULS.

Well, who does not love people who are gutsy huh? My ideal courageous person is one who has the guts to FART in public *sheesh, did I hear anyone say this lady needs a big time break?* with full woofer sound effects, and not have even an iota of embarassment after that.. See, its so simple to woo Preeti.. Keep farting !!:) Chriz, hope you are okay now :P

3.PREETI'S BROKEN HEART...

While we were in Goa, I had a crush on Francis.. In my fourth Grade... I will never forgive my father for making me a helpless nerd then.. Maths exam.. Francis was absolutely a normal kid, getting sexy sized zeroes everytime in Math.. So he came up to me and asked "Preetu (ah, that is how my Francis used to call me..)can you pass on your answer sheet a bit? I swear I'll do anything for you, diary milk okay?" Poor Preeti is torn between father's advice on not copying or let being copied and turns her poor heart stone cold and says to him,"Sorry, I wont show you anything".. Poor Francis walks away... to whom?? Gita of course :(:( remember the nerd in point one right??? SIGH... To Francis- I dont listen to my father anymore when its Math, I am still waiting for you, and err.. am sure am hotter and sexier than your Gita.. Come to me and mend my heart...and yeah.. I still make paper boats , i know you still do that too :):)

4.PREETI-THE TOMBOY

I never really recovered after my love failure in fourth grade.. grew up to be a tomboy and played kabaddi, lagori etc with street boys. Amma tried telling me "God will rip your ears at night if you behave like a boy" I simply replied saying " I dont like ear rings... good if god does that :)" And even now I am in a hopeless gang of guys where I spend my time checking out chicks for them when in Garuda Mall or MG Road.. I just hope I remain straight !!:)

5. PREETI HAS ZERO CENTRE OF GRAVITY

I guess I swallowed skaters when a kid.I keep falling down every now and then. The worst part being I laugh my ass out loud. And the crowd which gathers round me to make sure my bones are intact err.. by the way do we have bones on our ass?..ewww.. chuck it:) and when they see me laughing, they get thoughts of calling both the mental asylum and the ambulance at once.. thinking I have gone cuckoo outta pain due to the fall.. But I will keep falling.. WHY? Of course hoping Francis will carry me one day.. duh, I know am a disillusioned bollywood movie buff :(

6.PREETI HAS A SICK SENSE OF HUMOR

One day, Hukimi comes to me and says her boyfriend has cheated her, and she cries her heart out to me. She also says she thinks he slept with her best friend Guyiji. I say " Sorry Hukimi, you are thoroughly mistaken, he did not sleep with Guyiji, dont ever think of him that way, I saw him sleeping with Firaadi", SLAM.. Hukimi walks outta the room.. Sigh why is it wrong to say the right things at the wrong moment? Preeti, tu kab sudharegi :(:( , Err.. Hukimi, in case you are reading this , I am so sorry for you, please come back to me.. of course with my new box of tissues that you took away the other day, I gotta running nose..

7.PREETI LOVES ONLY THE FOOD IN MARRIAGES

I dont like plump aunties pulling my cheeks and saying,"kanna unakku thaan next kalyaanum" (roughly meaning you are going to get the license to sex next..) or some other aunty saying I have grown approx .98765678 kg fatter or some other aunty saying my dress is not very traditional or another aunty saying I dont exactly look like my mother but an escaped orangutan from the grasslands of the Savannah ... Sigh Aunties, I hate you all....hmph

8.PREETI IS NOT PROFESSIONAL

If being professional means not eating road side paani puri with the sluuuurrrrp sound of the extra paani, not eating gola (ice without cream and just syrup on a stick) spreading the syrup all over my lovely uniform, not licking the diary milk wrappers, not splashing out water from a puddle formed due to previous night rains outside my control room, then yes, Preeti is NOT A PROFESSIONAL AND SHE IS PROUD OF IT :)

9.PREETI HATES GETTING LINKED UP

I dont mind if you say I have been sleeping with Clooney or Johnie, but please dont link me up with people who are truly in love with someone else, who are about to get engaged, who are married, who are married and have kids, who are married and have kids and have kids of kids :):) And gotta problem with me.. Be a MAN or a WOMAN, come to me directly dont go about carrying tales and be a two faced bitch!! I am one too :)

10.PREETI LOVES YOU ALL

You girls and guys have no idea how much this blogger world means to me. err.. guess this is the first sensible thing so far here :) Will try to be frequent as before. Till my next scribbling, sayonaara !!:)

Thanks again Hemz..

These memories will last... an eternity...

A string of fond indelible memories sharing with my online family...



age 1: Hot sultry Sunday afternoon. I am sitting on the dining table, playing with the mixer, containing green and white coloured chutney. Amma asks my cousin to look after me for a while. I wanna get down to the floor as I see my little cousin brother playing with my toy car. My cousin very very dedicated to my amma's words does not let me down. I smear my cousin's eyes with the chutney and jump down the table.

Amma runs barefoot to the doctor, with me crying uncontrollably in her arms, four stitches on my forehead , still visible. She taught me that the most powerful weapon on earth is a mother's pure unadulterated love for the child.




age 4: Me standing outside sandhi fancy stores, Mylapore, Chennai.. Getting attracted to a red and blue water bottle. I ask amma to get it for me that very instant. She refuses. I throw a tantrum.. she does not budge and walks away from the shop. I try going higher in pitch, hoping that would make her retrace her steps, I fail miserably and run behind her , finally catching her palloo. There she taught me, persistence and force does not always win..



age 6: This was when my sister was born. And its pretty natural to feel avoided and possessive over amma. I bite my hand with my own teeth and tell amma showing the teeth imprints that she did it. Amma knew it was me, but used to chide my sister, who did not even learn to walk properly and tell me I should be her best friend in all walks of life, be her guiding star always and love her. She taught me to love, truly from the heart, may it be for five minutes or fifty years, she taught me to love, without being ostentatious, without expectations, since expectations is always proportional to frustration.

age 12: Goa. Heavy vernal showers. Appa's office is 2km further down my school. My school at 8 and so is his office. Not one day has he dropped me in his car, though we start at the same time. I used to make holes in my raincoat and try to trigger sympathy waves but to no avail. Maximum he did was get me fresh raincoats every month. It was a three km walk from home. But now, I do not regret. He taught me reality is perennial, luxury is short lived

age14: Appa told me stories of Dasaratha and other mythological stuff.. I asked him when Dasaratha could have four wives, why cant you? That was the day he realised, I was born an iconoclast, and never thrust religion upon me, to date.
Its been my wish to be agnostic and they have never meddled with my feelings. He fed me with books, made me drink good music, experiment with physics and nature, and taught me until you burn your fingers, you never know what heat is.

age 15: Pre board exams. CBSE social science paper. It gave me jitters and nightmares. Never remembered dates, names places and tenures of Pres and PM. Stayed up all night and amma stayed up with me too, saying she aint sleepy, and kept giving me fresh filter coffee every two hours. She is the world's best mom whose care binds me to her forever.

age 18: Who said we cannot share certain things with mom? This is when I started discussing most datable guys, looks, crushes and err.. sex too. This is when she taught me: frankness forms the basis of any true bond.

age 22: Here I am now, on my amma's lap,.

feeling the freshness and tranquility of heaven, thinking of all these memories,thinking of my parents, as to how two perfectly contrasting characters can live so happily together.. They fell in love after marriage,which was coincidentally on Feb 14, even today, appa and amma go out on candle light dinner, go on a long drive, appa cooks at home on Sundays and falls ill when amma goes out of station They are a paradigm of a perfect couple, who drown their differences in the ocean of ceaseless love.Slowly I close my eyes, to the music of her bangles, when her hand caresses my hair fondly.